Lesson 4 Flexibility

You don’t have to get it right, you just have to get it going.
–Mike Litman

Lesson 4 Flexibility

Welcome to lesson 4 I hope you are starting to learn a little about yourself and developed some new skills as a person that is now disabled. In this lesson we will talk about how to be flexible. This will be something you will need to become since you will now need to start to rely on others. I know this can be difficult at times, but hopefully after this lesson, you will have an easier time being flexible.

“In the end, you’ll know which people really love you. They’re the ones who see you for who you are and, no matter what, always find a way to be at your side.”
Randy K. Milholland
Let’s start with a little quiz to see how flexible you are. Remember to answer truthfully, this is for you. On a scale from 1 – 10 (1 being not at all and 10 all the time).
1. I expect people to drop what they are doing to come and help me when I want them.
2. I tell people when I want to go to the store and when. I get upset if they cannot accommodate me at that time.
3. I tell people what stores I want to go to and do not accept alternatives.
4. If someone cannot take me when I want to go I decide not to go when they say they can take me.
5. I play the guilt card if I cannot go when I want to go or do what I want to do.
6. You go ahead and try to do the activity even though you need help knowing someone will have to come and help you.
How did you score? Did you get any 10’s? The higher numbers you had the less flexible you are.

“There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will.”
Epictetus

I think that quote pretty much sums it up on how to be flexible. Most of the time things are going to be out of your control, so be patient and flexible. Let’s look at each of the questions.
1. I expect people to drop what they are doing to come and help me when I want them.
This is easy to do since you are just learning and you are used to going when you want to go. Now is when you need to use your new patience skills that you learned in the previous lesson, and ask people when they can take you. Ask when they are going to the store and if you can catch a ride.
2. I tell people when I want to go to the store and when. I get upset if they cannot accommodate me at that time.
With this one, you need to remember that people have their lives too. Just because you want to go somewhere does not mean they can just stop their lives for you. Again be flexible and ask what is good for them.
3. I tell people what stores I want to go to and do not accept alternatives.
There may be times that there just is not time to get to the stores that you want to go to. This is when you need to ask yourself if you really need ______ and if the answer is yes, then try to go to the other store. When I first lost my sight I loved fried chicken from this one local grocery store. Well my mom did all my shopping and she hated that store for some reason. She would never go there to get me the chicken that I loved; she tried to bring me alternatives. I had to learn how to be flexible since I could not go to the store I wanted. But she tried to find something that I would like.
4. If someone cannot take me when I want to go I decide not to go when they say they can take me.
If this is the case then you really did not need to go. You are not being fair to the person you asked to take you. Refer to comment on question 2; people cannot drop their lives for you.
5. I play the guilt card if I cannot go when I want to go or do what I want to do.
Again, this is not fair to do, but is easy to do, so be careful. People in your life generally want to help you, but if you play the guilt card, you will only end up hurting yourself since you may start to drive them away.
6. You go ahead and try to do the activity even though you need help knowing someone will have to come and help you.
This one is a double edge since you want to be independent. But if you need help, please ask and wait for it. You could get hurt or break something.
So how do you be flexible?
1. Ask first! It is easier to ask what someone’s plans are than for you to try to plan something and thing someone will be able to take you.
2. If you have plans, be prepared for them to change. Do not get upset at the person, since life happens.
3. Do not forget to do something nice for the people that give you rides or do things for you. This is not only polite, but makes the other person feel good. They may be more likely to help you in the future.

“Let us be grateful to people who make us happy: They are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.”
`Marcel Proust

What ideas do you have to be more flexible? I would love to hear them, just go over and post them on our private Facebook group https://www.facebook.com/groups/10lessonempowerment/

Until next time,
Take Care,

Yvonne

©Yvonne Garris 2014 all rights reserved
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